I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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