So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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