Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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