If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
