this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I forget how to act sober
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
