I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
