Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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