you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
