Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
