Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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