She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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