I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
