just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
