2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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