3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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