There is no way he is gay with that hair.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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