I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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