He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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