We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
