ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Drunk is not a location!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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