Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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