1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
