kristin has been a bad kristin
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
