i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich