so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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