You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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