the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
