You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
