You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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