worst night to have a conscience
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
