my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
