I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
