So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
