is your mom at the bar?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
