Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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