So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
