I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
