Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
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I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
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I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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