Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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