So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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