I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
