just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
