After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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