I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
