All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
