I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
