Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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