walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
