Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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