I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
