I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
