At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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