so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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