Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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