How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
