So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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