East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
