then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
