So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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