I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
