Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
