had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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