Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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