is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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