nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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