Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Randomize
