I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
