for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
