just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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