I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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