how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
