M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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