are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
