Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
