You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
