Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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