Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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