I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize