It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
