Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
