Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
